denial.

Dear Rose,

I am in denial about your death.  I keep thinking that you're here.  I keep expecting to look around and find you, or to hear the door from the hallway creak as you push it open. 

WHY did I let them kill you?  I have such guilt.

You are gone, and I need to accept that. 

It's after midnight, and I'm scared to go lie down.  I'm scared that I will cry myself to sleep again, and it was just so painful last night that I cannot go through that again.

Can't you just be alive again?  Can't I just turn back time and bring you back? 

Sigh.  I'm sorry...  this is not what you need to hear.  You need to hear that all is well, and that I miss you and love you but am fine. 

I hope to get to that happy "Rose is in a better place and no longer in pain so it's okay that she's dead" point in my grief soon, because I'm sure that is what you would want for me. 

You are in my heart. 

Love, Leah