the next day...

Dear Rose,
     There is a void in the world now.  I have no other way to explain it, but there is.  I fell asleep crying last night, and woke up in tears.  It felt as if I would never stop.  And for the first time in 15 years, I cannot turn to you for comfort.  I have to figure out how to live in a world without you in it.

     I am trying to keep you alive in my heart.  I am in the process of gathering pictures of you, and plan to make some sort of collage with them.  I started this blog in a (probably crazy) attempt to communicate with you.  I am keeping your friends Diva, Jacques, and Dot company while the parents are out of town.

     Your funeral isn't completely arranged yet, due to the parents' schedule and the rain forecast.  I hate that.  I don't know if I will be able to fall asleep NOT crying until after your body is laid to rest.  It kills me that your body is lying in a freezer somewhere, waiting for its final resting place.  I have heard that "funerals are for the living" so I will try to keep that in mind, and I do realize that your body is just that: a body.  You are no longer on Earth.

     Anyway...  I broke down today, when I came over to house/dog-sit for the folks and for the first time you weren't here to greet me.  There were three soprano barks, but your alto was nowhere to be heard.  It was devestating for me.  I wept so hard that I screamed at one point. 

...It took a while for me to calm down and remember that there are still three dogs here who need my love and attention.  So I fed and watered them, played with them, and looked through the family albums to find more pictures of you and Stuffy.  Eventually, I stopped crying.

I know that you never liked it when I cried.  You got upset whenever I got upset. 

I hope that the pain of you no longer being here gets easier to deal with over time.  For now, it still hurts.  My heart is breaking, and I don't know how to mend it.

I love you.  I miss you.

Your sister, Leah